Appreciating the Silence While Sitting In Sackville Library ....

Here I am on a Saturday afternoon, sitting in the Sackville Public  Library while my daughter is spending the day at Mount Allison University.  Chances are, she'll end up studying her BA of Music here next year for post secondary studies.

It's 3:30 PM.  It's quiet and peaceful here.  This is something I have come to enjoy - peace and quiet. Even though we live in a small city in PEI with a population just shy of 15,000 people, it's incredible how noisy that city is becoming with the hustle and bustle of every day life.  


We live on one of the main artery streets close to downtown, and it has constant traffic on it nearly all day.  We're two blocks down from the junior high school so very often through the day we hear junior high students heading downtown for lunch and back.  We live two blocks up from the most popular dance club so quite often we here people in the wee hours of the morning heading home after a fun night out with friends.

I used to like white noise in the background ... in fact I couldn't stand complete silence.  Now it's quite the opposite.  I find constant noise very agitating.  When I'm home alone, I like to turn off all the 'noise pollution' in my house - this includes radio's, tv's, computers, telephone ringers ... all I'm left with is the silence.  I sometimes take out the batteries in clocks to eliminate the 'tick-tock-tick-tock' noise.

Silence, complete silence - how I cherish this!  Our brains need down time. It's like our digital devices, take smartphones for instance ... if electricity is always running through the device, it can get bogged down and stop running smoothly.  You have to turn it off, take out the battery, and clear out the cache in the apps in order for it to work properly and smoothly again.  This needs to be done on a regular basis.

Our brains are the same - we need to unplug and sit still in complete silence.  Every time I make time to sit in silence, I feel 100% better - I feel rejuvinated , I feel more at ease and at peace.

People are Not Problems ,,, Problems Are Problems!

Being the mother of a 16 year old daughter  who is entering her final year of high school this fall, I have to say navigating the teen years can be very overwhelming. One thing I have learned, and still learning, it is very important to always put things in proper perspective. Quite often we get lost in the moment, and what appears to be selfish teen behavior, can actually be signs of something else.

I started reading a really great book called "Parenting a Teen Girl" by Lucie Hemmen.  it is full of good advice and I highly recommend the book to any parent or guardian of a teen girl.  Here is an excerpt from the book on re-framing our thoughts from pessimistic to optimistic thinking:

Through my work, it seems many parents, myself included, tend to fall towards negative pessimistic thinking when we experience teen drama. We tend to get lost in the moment and give way to pessimistic thinking.  As parents, we need to learn the skills to help navigate, mentor and guide our teen through adolescence.  A foundation block is having our thoughts in proper perspective and ensuring we take an optimistic mind set to raising our children.

This is much easier said than done. It takes being Mentally Fit!   It requires a significant amount of self control and discipline, being mindful of our own actions and behaviors, and remaining calm even when our teen is having a complete melt down.

Keep in mind, People are not problems ... problems are problems ... we need to focus our attention on the behavior and addressing it.  The behavior is a symptom to the problem. When we discover the problem, we can help our teen overcome it.

Facebook Safety Tips for Teens

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Protecting Our Children Online

Thank you to Queen Charlotte, Stone Park, and East Wiltshire for hosting our parent session on "Protecting Our Children Online".

Click here to download a copy of the Parent Presentation

There are two more applications and platforms I would like to make you aware of, that are known to attract predators and pedophiles:

    1) Chatroulette: Online Video Chat site 

2) Kick: An iPod App

A few parents came up to me after the presentation to share some sexually explicit stories their elementary school age children (age 9) were involved in. A child of 9 would not know sending a picture of themselves to a stranger is dangerous, unless they are aware of the various Internet & Social Media perils.

I posted a question on Facebook last evening (June 5) asking if anyone was aware of these two apps/platforms, and I received instant replies from some parents whose children came face to face with pedophiles on these platforms.  They are very dangerous.  

Further, there is a lot of pornography and foul language used on these platforms that children and youth are being exposed to, way too early in life.

As we learned last evening, children who are exposed to pornography, whether it is hardcore or soft porn, are at a higher risk of being involved with sex and abuse crimes.

Please block these apps and platforms, along with Omegle.

If you have any questions, or would like to comment and provide feedback on the presentation, please post a comment on my facebook page, or send me a tweet:

Facebook: http:/www.facebook.com/nguptill

Twitter: @nbguptill

10 THINGS YOU MUST DO IF YOUR CHILD IS BEING CYBER BULLIED

If your child is being cyber bullied, remember this, he/she is in control. Here are 10 steps to deal with the matter:

(1) GET PROOF & EVIDENCE: Use parental control software thathas the ability to capture online conversations and take pictures of the computer screen, or use screen capture software such as SnagIt or Jing

(2) REPORT THE BULLY: Facebook has the ability for you and your child to report the person and their comments. Visit: https://www.facebook.com/help/420576171311103/ Other social media sites have similar capabilities - search their help section or do a Google search to learn how to report 

(3) TELL THE OTHER PARENT: Inform the other parents that their child has committed the crime of cyber bullying. Send them the evidence, ask them to get their child to delete the posts. Inform them if the content is not taken down, or if anything else appears you will file a report with the police for cyber bullying.

(4) APPROACH THE BULLY: Depending on the age of the child, if in junior high or older, send them a message saying they are committing the act of cyber bullying and to immediately remove all posts and refrain from doing it in the future otherwise you will report them to the police for cyber bullying.

(5) APPROACH OTHER PEOPLE: If the posts were on someone else's wall or on a picture that was posted, send a message to that person asking for the negative posts to be removed. Advise them the act of cyber bullying was committed and they have a responsibility to protect others online and to shut down cyber bullying if it's happening on their account even if it's someone else that is instigating it.

(6) BLOCK THE BULLY: This is the simple solution - block the bully from your child's friend list. This way you shut-down the bully and take back your child's power

(7) TALK TO THE SCHOOL & EXTRA CURRICULAR PROGRAMS: Make sure the cyber bullying is not spilling over into other areas of your child's life. If they are being cyber bullied, it is likely they are being bullied somewhere else. Take the evidence to the school and to the program coordinator of any extra-curricular programs your child and the bully attends - ask them to protect your child while in their care, and to report any incidents immediately.

(8) INSTILL CONFIDENCE IN YOUR CHILD: One of the most important things you can do is tell your child to not take it personally. As much as it hurts, educate them that bullies usually have personal problems that leads them to hurt others and if your child were to watch the bully, he/she is bullying others to. Give lots of love and positive affirmations over your child's life and have them understand there is nothing wrong with them. Healthy minded people respect others, insecure troubled people bully others.

(9) POSITIVE EXPERIENCES & RELATIONSHIPS: Spend time with your child doing fun, positive activities. Give them experiences that bring them joy and confidence. Get them involved with activities they are good in and positively encourage them to work hard and do their best. Surround your family with positive people, where there is mutual respect and appreciation in the relationships. The more you build up your child's life with positive influences, the better they will be able to deal with unpleasant experiences in their life.

(10) REPORT & SEEK HELP: If the cyber bullying continues, report the bully to the police and school authorities. Meanwhile, your child's mental health is of utmost importance. If the cyber bullying is emotionally harming your child to the point it is crippling him/her, seek professional help from a family councilor.

One last point:  We as adults need to set the tone and behavior of appropriate online conduct. We are the role models so we must demonstrate being a good cyber friend and using the internet and social media for good. This means refrain from online complaining against others, including brands, companies and individuals. There is nothing wrong with sharing your opinion, just do it in a respectful manner.

Sexual Harassment & Sexual Bullying

We've all heard a lot about bullying. But did you know that in high school (and middle school), some bullies use sexual messages or actions to make a person feel intimidated, small, or uncomfortable? This sexualized type of bullying is called sexual harassment or sexual bullying.

What Behaviors Count:  Some images, jokes, language, and contact are called "inappropriate" for a reason. If a behavior or interaction makes you uncomfortable or upset, talk to a trusted adult. It may fall into the sexual harassment or bullying category.

What Are Sexual Bullying and Harassment?

Just like other kinds of bullying, sexual bullying involves comments, gestures, actions, or attention that is intended to hurt, offend, or intimidate another person. With sexual bullying, the focus is on things like a person's appearance, body parts, or sexual orientation. Sexual bullying includes spreading gossip or rumors of a sexual nature.

Sexual bullying or harassment may be verbal (like making rude comments to or about someone), but it doesn't have to be spoken. Bullies may use technology to harass someone sexually (like sending inappropriate text messages or videos). Sometimes harassment and bullying can even get physical.

Sexual harassment or bullying can include:

• making sexual jokes, comments, or gestures to or about someone
• spreading sexual rumors (in person, by text, or online) - sexual rumors include gossiping about someone's sexual preferences, for example saying someone is gay or lesbian when they are not, or vice vesa, saying someone is straight when they are not
• writing sexual messages about people on bathroom stalls or in other public places
• showing someone inappropriate sexual videos or pictures
• posting sexual comments, pictures, or videos on social networks like Facebook, or sending explicit text messages
• making sexual comments or offers while pretending to be someone else online
• touching, grabbing, or pinching someone in a deliberately sexual way
• pulling at someone's clothing and brushing up against them in a purposefully sexual way

This article was written by http://kidshealth.org. Full Article can be found here: http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/girls/harassment.html?tracking=T_RelatedArticle#

True Story on Bullying & Cyber Bullying

Today I had the pleasure of attending our Area Toastmasters competition. I was a Counter and Sergeants-at-Arms, and enjoyed sitting back to watch my fellow Toastmasters compete.  It was delightful.

One speech really hit home with me ... it actually brought me to tears. Perhaps it's due to me  working so closely with different schools, families, children and youth, community groups and organizations on the very matter he spoke about so I understand the personal tragedy individuals, families and administration face.

My fellow Toastmaster gave a very moving speech on the impacts of bullying and cyber bullying in story telling format.  He recounted the real life events of the death of his nephew, who took his own life, as a result of severe bullying and cyber bullying.  

This handsome, talented, intelligent, creative young man was just two weeks away from graduating from high school ... a young man with a promising future. It broke my heart to hear his story. I fought to hold back the tears, however, the story was so moving I eventually felt the sting of tears in my eyes that spilled out and rolled down my face.

As my fellow Toastmaster shared his story, I thought of the many parents, children, youth and school administrators I have spoken with over the years, but more so in recent years as a result of the work I am doing in Cyber Safety, Internet Safety and Digital Footprints. In all cases, it boils down to one thing .... Bullying hurts ... Cyber Bullying makes it ten times worse because of how public the bashing and humiliation becomes and there is no escape.

Recently, I gave a Cyber Safety presentation to PEI Service Providers.  The participants included Executive Directors and front line staff working in crises centres, women centres, people with disabilities.  When speaking about Cyber Bullying, it was interesting to hear the workshop participants share they see a resounding number of adults, more so than children and youth, committing the acts of Cyber Bullying and Internet Defamation.  It was also interesting, yet not surprising, to learn some organizations and specific individuals working within them, are Cyber Bullied by outspoken individuals and organizations. When asked the nature of attack, whether it is personal or professional, they said it was more professional, stating people reacting to the work they do on social issues, social justice and serving the needs of the public.

This leads to me sharing a key message with all adult audiences:  Yes, bullying and cyber bullying are prevalent amongst children and youth ... however ... take a good look .... how are you, your friends and social media connections setting the tone of behavior online?

Do you ever bash brands, politicians, organizations or even individuals for that matter with derogatory comments?  Do you re-post pictures and links to articles that are malicious and condescending in nature?  Do you tweet or post negative comments, then ask others to contribute?  Once you tweeted or posted something, have you ever asked yourself this question: `If my comments were made about me by another person or entity, would I be embarrassed, hurt or humiliated if  someone talked about me in this manner?'

As adults, we need to set the tone of behavior and be positive role models  on using the Internet and Social Media for good.  There is nothing wrong with advocating for change or speaking up on matters that are important ... we just have to do it in a respectful manner, otherwise, we commit the act of cyber bullying and internet defamation ... others will model that behavior including children and youth.

Change starts with each of us on an individual basis.  If we want respect we must give it.  If we want children and youth to act accordingly online, then we as adults, must do the same.  Many people talk the talk ... but fail to walk the talk.

Be a Digital Leader, Be a Good Role Model, Demonstrate Appropriate Use of Social Media and the Internet.

Going back to my fellow Toastmaster, while his story was tragic with a very devastating outcome, I was blessed by his message and hold him in very high regard to have the courage and confidence to advocate for change.  More needs to be done in addressing the very real issues children, youth and adults face with bullying and cyber bullying.  I stand along side of him in raising the awareness and championing his cause. 



About The Author: Nancy Beth Guptill is an Entrepreneur & Small Business Owner, Founder of Sweet Spot Marketing Canada and a Motivational Speaker for Women & Girl Leadership. As an Internet and Digital Marketing veteran, Nancy Beth has vast experience in Online Internet Safety and Protecting Your Digital Footprint.

Since 2010, Nancy Beth has been highly sought after to share her message on being a Digital Leader, using the Internet & Social Media for good, and how to safely navigate the Social Web.