Sunday, April 16, 2017

#RealTalk Midlife Hum-Drum - Is This Normal or What?

I'm wondering if it's just me who feels this way at times ... that life is unexciting, that there's a void, something is missing.  Do you think this happens during middle age or after a life altering experience?  I wonder if I've reached that mid-life phase where things just seem pretty bland compared to when you're younger.  I remember in my early 20's and 30's, people I worked with or delved into projects with would say I'm full of 'piss and vinegar', an expression I have always hated that means you're peppy, energetic and assertive.  I would agree, I (for the most part) have always been energetic and assertive, full of life and passion.  However, in recent years, that's seemed to have change.

For me, at this moment in time, all is good!  Business is great, family is great, life overall is great - I have a close relationship with the creator, I'm grounded in my spirality and mindfulness, I have a wonderful family and friends, yet something is lacking.

I can't say I've ever felt this way before.  I don't feel sad, I'm not depressed, I am actually quite content in life.  At the same time I've reached a point where nothing really excites me any more.  I get happy for other people, thrilled of others accomplishments, but when it comes to my own personal life, it's hum-drum.  I can go for a walk and spend time in nature and yes it's lovely and I feel alive, or I could go to a social outing and enjoy my time with people, or I could attend a business networking event and enjoy the people and business discussion, but in the end after it's all said and done that passion, enthusiasm and excitement just doesn't seem to be at the same level it once was.

I'm wondering who else is out there in the world feeling this same way.  I want to really discuss this without people jumping to wrong conclusions.  I have held back in holding this discussion for so long because when I try to discuss with others, well, you know how it is, if you're not talking about how happy and exciting everything is, people jump to negative conclusions and well, that's not where I'm at.  I'm 100% content with my life, I'm just not super excited and impassioned about anything.  For me, this is strange because all of my life, I've talked about 'dreaming big' 'emotions being contagious' energy and enthusiasm motivates others ... and yet here I am feeling plateaued and even-keeled, steady in my emotions, not super excited but more hum-drum and I guess this is a new feeling for me that makes me feel a wee bit uncomfortable especially since I've been feeling this way since Spring 2016 which is when I started recovering from being quite sick for a few years.

Before taking ill, I was high energy, easily excited about things, deeply impassioned.  When I was sick and actually thought I would have to go on long-term disability, I saw life through a whole new lense and since then I've been living life through pragmatism versus high on energy, life and emotion.

I stumbled across the vocabulary.com website today that actually contrasts exactly who I was and who I've become, through their definition and explanation of a pragmatist:

pragmatist

If you have a friend whose head is always in the clouds, always dreaming, and taking risks without thinking of the consequences, you might say that she isn’t much of a pragmatist.
A pragmatist is someone who is pragmatic, that is to say, someone who is practical and focused on reaching a goal. A pragmatist usually has a straightforward, matter-of-fact approach and doesn’t let emotion distract her. A pragmatist can also ignore her own ideals to get the job done, so in this way it can have a slightly negative meaning. 

Yeah, so that's me - pragmatic: matter-of-fact and emotionless, ignoring ideals to get the job done.  Maybe this is a good thing.  In time, I guess I'll be able to tell.  In the meantime, if you are like me or find yourself in this situation, I would love to have some #RealTalk about this situation.  

Hit me up on twitter @nbguptill