Thursday, July 25, 2013

People are Not Problems ,,, Problems Are Problems!

Being the mother of a 16 year old daughter  who is entering her final year of high school this fall, I have to say navigating the teen years can be very overwhelming. One thing I have learned, and still learning, it is very important to always put things in proper perspective. Quite often we get lost in the moment, and what appears to be selfish teen behavior, can actually be signs of something else.

I started reading a really great book called "Parenting a Teen Girl" by Lucie Hemmen.  it is full of good advice and I highly recommend the book to any parent or guardian of a teen girl.  Here is an excerpt from the book on re-framing our thoughts from pessimistic to optimistic thinking:

Through my work, it seems many parents, myself included, tend to fall towards negative pessimistic thinking when we experience teen drama. We tend to get lost in the moment and give way to pessimistic thinking.  As parents, we need to learn the skills to help navigate, mentor and guide our teen through adolescence.  A foundation block is having our thoughts in proper perspective and ensuring we take an optimistic mind set to raising our children.

This is much easier said than done. It takes being Mentally Fit!   It requires a significant amount of self control and discipline, being mindful of our own actions and behaviors, and remaining calm even when our teen is having a complete melt down.

Keep in mind, People are not problems ... problems are problems ... we need to focus our attention on the behavior and addressing it.  The behavior is a symptom to the problem. When we discover the problem, we can help our teen overcome it.